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| Hahaha, I had to. Merry Christmas. I'm really excited to see everything that I got. I know a few things for sure, but I don't know everything like I usually do. Mmm, right now I'm waiting for Zach to get off work. My gram's over right now for Christmas Eve so we're all just chilling. I think dinner is going to be ready soon, but I'm not sure. I love Christmas so much. I'm really glad that I didn't have to work today, though. I was at the mall with my dad for some last minute presents for mom and it was a zoo. I feel so bad for everyone who has to work today. Hahahah, my gram just said. "I'm the boss to that family!" It was hilarious. (: I love her. I'm so tired. I feel like I'm not even going to catch up on my sleep like I wanted to over break. I have driver's ed a few times a week at 10:30 am and I have work and everything else. I'm so busy, but I guess I'd rather be busy than not have anything to do at all. Blah. The food smells good, I can't wait to eat. I think that's all for me. Merry Christmas! :D
"Happy Christmas to you, may all your wildest dreams come true. This is wonderful, I'm glad you're here. This is wonderful, I'm glad you're here with me this Christmas Eve." | | |
| Wow. I don't even really know how to explain my emotions right now. Yesterday was such a good day, and then today, everything just came spiraling downwards again. I feel like every time I have a good day, there has to be SOMETHING that just ruins it. Maybe I shouldn't complain so much. I guess I just wish my non-existent friends would be there for me more. I feel so alone at school. I sit at a lunch table where I'm pretty much ignored everyday. They are all basically best friends, and I'm just someone that sits at their table. I hate it. I don't fit in with anyone anymore. The only person that I remotely fit in with doesn't want me anymore. I guess I can't blame her, I'm not all that great. Hell, I suck. And I'm not just trying to feel sorry for myself here. Apparently, I'm too judging. But I can't judge because I've never smoked pot and I'm a virgin. So that means that I can't form my own opinions on matters such as these. It shouldn't be that way, but then again, I guess I shouldn't be that way, either. I'd kill to go back to two years ago. I miss being close to everyone and hanging out with all of my friends every weekend. I miss our sleepovers and I would rather have petty fights all the time than to lose all communications with the people that I used to call my best friend. I'm so lucky that I have Zach to keep me on the ground. Without him, I honestly wouldn't be here. I would have nothing to look forward to whatsoever. I really need to get out of this state of mind, and I really want things to look up. Things need to look up. I need something new and fresh in my life, I need something that's permanent. I seriously need change this time. Ugh.
"I can't eat, I can't sleep. If I give them what they want, then will they just let me be? Who am I, I'm not like them. I'm sick of nodding my head at the things that I can't stand. This is it, oh my friends. I've tried so hard, but I can not pretend."
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| Everything has been so confusing and difficult as of late. I can't really seem to do anything right. I really want to just please everyone else, but then again I have to be happy too, right? I don't really know who or what to turn to anymore. I can't really find it in me to use the energy that it takes to be happy, even if it's just for a little bit. Oh well, I seem so hopeless. Truth is, I probably am. Yesterday was a lot of fun. It was day of the arts at Longer, and Mr. Stiles always takes his drama 2 and 3 classes over to do stuff with the little kids. We played games and did some acting with them, it was a good time. They were so cute. In our first class, there was this adorable little boy named Claude. We were going around the circle saying our name and our favorite color, but as soon as it was his turn, he spoke up and said, "can I say something else about myself?" Of course we said yes. He began to say, "my five favorite dinosaurs are..." and it made me smile so much. I love how little kids can touch your heart and make you happy with the littlest things. They truly do leave the best impressions. Both Olivia and Anna stated that they hated kids before we went over there, and afterwards, both of them agreed that they LOVED little kids. After yesterday, I know that I definitely want to be an elementary school teacher. I love kids and I'm really good with them, it would be perfect for me. High school is flying by, and sooner or later I'm going to be out on my own in the world. I'm scared, needless to say, but I think I'll be ready. I don't want to wish my life away but I'm kind of really excited for the future. It's going to be a new beginning for me, and that's definitely something that I really need.
"I need you here now more than ever before, cause if you're not by my side, tell me what is worth living for? I've never had the courage to tell you how i feel, but honestly I've always loved you, and I promise I always will." | | |
| Zach just left. I didn't think I'd be able to see him today because he had work, but he got me afterwards and we went and got Taco Bell. :D That's where we had our first date, hahahah. We're so classy. I love him. I'm really tired. I even took a three hour nap today! Crazy. I didn't really sleep well, though. I kept being interrupted by my mom and phone calls, hahah. Oh well, a nap is better than no nap I suppose. I'm kind of excited that we don't have school tomorrow, although I would have much rather had a long weekend. Oh well I guess! Mmm, Zach's getting me tomorrow so we can chill for a little while, and then I have work at 3:30. Yum! I feel like I'm so busy with school and I'm already getting unnecessarily stressed out because of it. I don't like it, not one bit. I feel like I have a project due like, everyday. That's definitely an exaggeration but yeah. I did REALLY well on my Spanish unit test, I'm very proud of myself. 95 gpa, whadddup! (: Taking Back Sunday in three days! I'm so excited, askldfjaskjdf! I have literally wanted to see them since I was like, twelve. Ahhhh. :D Well, I think I'm going to bed. <3 Goooodnight.
"So, we're talking forever and you almost feel better, but better is no excuse for tonight. You see, it's never good enough to just leave or give up, but it's never good enough to feel right." | | |
| So this is the first Saturday that I've had off in quite some time, and I haven't really done all that much. I woke up at 9:30 because I was supposed to take Jess to work at 11. My dad had my car, so I was waiting for my mom to get home so I could take Jess to work and stop to get supplies for my Spanish project. My mom never showed up for some reason and my brother ended up taking her. I got to hang out with Zach though, so that was great as usual. We went to AC Moore and got my poster board and glitter glue, hahah. I'm done with my project, so that's good at least. I'm going bowling with Zach, Alyssa and Darren. That will be fun, I can't wait. I haven't hung out with Alyssa in a while so I'm excited. Ugh I feel so lazy today, I haven't done anything. Booo. Oh well, I'm going to go download some more music. Peace.
"How can I hate you when you buy me flowers? How can I trust you when they always die?" | | |
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